Three Prophecies – RYLAN

Last Saturday, despite me barely watching the show for 20 minutes I made three statements.*

Rylan’s Safe – This astonishing statement* was made, despite the markets deciding he was favourite to go.

Ella’s in serious trouble – This even more staggering statement* was made, despite her being second favourite to win the competition

They screwed up Christopher’s nuking – I made some vague hunch about him maybe being fifth.

Amazingly I got two and a half right. (I was guaranteed the half whatever happened…!)

I was going against the grain. This wasn’t me saying there will be “an expensive phone in competition during the show” or “you’ll see a Samsung tablet used during the show”, this was me sticking my neck out against the thousands of other people backing Rylan to go and Ella to stay.

Yet again, the world’s greatest TV betting blog delivered. YET AGAIN. 

Today we’re looking at the other three prophecies and explaining the thinking behind each one.

“RYLAN’S SAFE”

A few years back, (2005 – thanks Wikipedia), I was surprised to see the X Factor win a British Comedy Award. Cowell’s putdowns were thrown together in a compilation and you realised that it was actually a funny show. These days it isn’t. The comedy from the “please don’t laugh, I must not laugh, this is not funny” moments, those gems  that arise from the intimacy of the audition room have been ripped out. Instead we get a shiny stage and an arena filled with 5000 screaming unemployed people and students  free on a Tuesday afternoon, mixed with “witty putdowns” from er… Gary Barlow.

Whether you like him or not, Rylan comes across as a witty, fun guy who doesn’t take himself too seriously.
For instance, “I’m hoping that everyone’s babies that I held get on them phones and vote for me because…. <beat> “I didn’t drop your child”.

Is a funny line…! If slightly questionable, grammatically.

The idea was for Rylan to hit the bottom two last week; the staging was average, the songs they gave him were especially naff, the whole performance just lacked a little bit of “wow” and it all looked a bit of a mess.

What’s the one memory you have of Rylan’s 10 minutes? He effectively called Gary Barlow, or the GB from the 90’s, fat. The first time I’ve ever seen someone do that, to his face, on national television. He was quick as a flash with a one-liner that had the whole studio in delighted cheers. That was one of the stand out moments of the series, the bit that might well be played out on compilation clips of the X Factor on award shows in 2013 and also the bit that they will use for this year’s entry into the British Comedy Awards. People are suggesting that it was scripted, which I’d suggest is nonsense; certainly Gary and Dermot had no idea it was coming, because you can see Gary working out how he should react. The other judges reacted exactly as Cowell would have wanted, whilst upstairs the gallery were frantically trying to get all the shots:  of Rylan-  now messing around on the treadmill, Louis and Tulisa bowing down to Rylan, Gary standing up and threatening to come on stage, Dermot trying to keep control and encourage Gary on stage….

What happened just seconds after this amusing and entertaining moment? A giant 090 20 50 51 04 flashed onto the screen, Rylan laughed, did a little twirl, and grinned his cheeky snow white teeth into the camera, as thousands of people picked up their phones.

 

Safe as houses.

 

* Note these are now “statements” rather than the vague hunches they were being billed as seven days ago.

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Posted on November 24, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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