30 WAYS

I have to be honest. I really can’t call it. I’ve said “Oppose James” because I felt I should say something, but you’ll notice not a penny of the Betsfactor Bank has been put on this one!

I wouldn’t have been surprised if Christopher had made it through either, far too difficult to call. 

However, after weeks and weeks of trying, the X Factor, which is fast becoming one of the UK’s funniest – almost satirical shows, finally destroyed their man made (gaffe made) monster. They must be hugely relieved.

Given I have absolutely nothing to say as regards predictions, let’s have some fun with:

THIRTY WAYS CHRISTOPHER WAS NUKED TONIGHT

– Calling him Maloney just showed a lack of respect.

– Dermot refusing to allow him to thank the people that voted for him was… ‘interesting’.

– On the ferry, his lone whooping reminded me of Marcus.

– Want to sum up his call centre visit? Watch the blonde who can’t fire her 2p party popper and gives up. Lame. Cheap.

– When he puts his headset on, look at the two girls nearest to him. One, clearly disinterested, actually has her back to him as he talks! Another has her arms folded.

– That buffet just looked really really crap.

– As did his face on a lolly.

– Who likes watching someone eat and get messy cheap food all over their face?

– Where’s Norris Green?

– I don’t want to be rude about the people who were seen to be endorsing him. But enter your own thought here.

– And here.

– And here. Average age 82?

– “Oh my god, so many people here” says Christopher. As he arrives at a grey street with circa 50 people. Why didn’t he get a helicopter?

– Gary, who’s seemed dead behind the eyes since about week four, didn’t seem to critique his vocal performance. Why?

– His nan’s “great spread” was marginally worse than the spread at the call centre.

– Christopher was allowed 0.3 seconds of a tearful moment before they cut away at the end of the second VT. JamJah were allowed about 90 times that amount. Must have just been a decision for timing reasons.

– When One Direction performed on the show they got bumped up backing vocals. Producers can also subtley crank up the crowd noises on VT’s…. They didn’t for Christopher…

– “So why are you voting for Christopher Maloney?” “Because I know his nan and his mum. I go to bingo with them.” is the sort of ringing endorsement from an OAP you would pray for on the night of the final.

– A silver haired lady points out that he is “for the older group”, but not old fashioned. Always good to get a 75 year old’s take on what’s in fashion.

– Why did the crowd booing stop after the first ad break? We wouldn’t want Chris as the underdog now would we?

– When did we last use cassette tapes?

– Cassette tapes are knackered and get chewed up in your car radio.

– With which era would you associate leather jackets?

– Remember how Little Mix’s victory was as clear as night and day? What did Chris get during Rule the World?

– Louis also calls him “Maloney”.

– Rumours were he was going to perform Who?BerStank and The Reason as his winners single.

– “You’ve done it, you’ve changed you life.” proclaims Louis. As he did last week. Pointing out he’s arrived. (This is a point nicked from Sofabet!)

– Even Gary carefully and clearly points out to the viewers, that he wasn’t his choice. Even Gary. Several Times.

– Why, when Christopher was singing over and over again about stars, did we not see any stars behind him?

– If Gary Barlow’s wife ever wants to know if he’s cheated, or lied, or deceived her, just watch the second VT Mrs B. That’s Gary’s face when he tells loads and loads of fibs. Classics include “I’m just so glad I picked you as my wild card” and “I hadn’t even thought of framing my OBE”. Yeah, you’d chuck it in a drawer somewhere wouldn’t you Gaz.

They must be high fiving in the X Factor production offices. The monster is dead. I hedged him this week from 7-1 to 5-1 and made a modest profit. I’m quite relieved I did!

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Posted on December 9, 2012, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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