COLOUR VOMIT – 2013
A reminder that we’ll be discussing this on the podcast on Friday, so if you want to call in and tell me I’m a “p*ss poor Derren Brown”, then 0161 81 82 800 is the podcast voicemail line – call 24/7.
The theory is this. Colour vomit is horrible on the set and on the staging. It’s horrible when it gets all over your clothes or the clothes of the dancers. It can often help towards a deflation in your vote. Keep your eyes peeled for outbreaks of it.
When the University of Leighton Buzzard offers a course in X Factor History, they will let their students down if there aren’t at least two full semesters on Betsfactor.com, the world’s leading multimedia brand. Scholars will write dissertations on what colour vomit truly is. I’m pretty confident it will form an hour long debate on “Betsfactor night”, on BBC4, in years to come. So, I’m leaving it a little vague to allow this theory to evolve.
If you love to hate this site… if you think that what I talk about is little better than the sort of conspiracy theories that end up on the front page of the Daily Express, let me give you some ammunition!
Trying to define Colour Vomit is difficult. I think I’d ask does it fill the screen, and often?
If the answer’s Yes, then it’s probably colour vomit. For instance, I’d say this isn’t. Too much black.
Tamera had hints of it in Week One, but I’d say this isn’t either.
So there’s your ammunition, haters!
I’d been brewing this theory for a couple of years and needed three more examples for all this to be beyond reasonable doubt…. The producers threw up all three in the first three weeks.
1. Who’s the act we think they wanted rid of first? Wow, that’s a nice background isn’t it. The tape looks nice, the colours all match well with the video screen. What lovely styling. It’s all really tastefully done. Notice how the dancers don’t even have matching outfits. It’s pink on one half and orange on the other. True, it’s 80’s week, but I didn’t see, say, Nicholas getting all that colour…?
2. The moment I though “once more” was last week. I spotted this performance and thought – “right, if they hit the bottom two, we’re one more away from running with it….!” They did hit the bottom two! There’s colour vomit all over this performance as well…
Is it deliberate? Not sure…. Is it unhelpful… Absolutely.
3. Game Over. They decided to be a little subtler this week. That matching styling really is lovely isn’t it. It’s great that they are all wearing different parts of the same, vile, colour vomit outfit. How any human can allow themselves to be dressed in this stuff is beyond me. We’ll throw some graffiti splatted in colour vomit as well, onto the stage, just to hammer the point home to the audience….
Indeed the word “Dreams” metaphorically exploding in the background is a wonderful, if not especially subtle message.
As always this is just a red flag. I fully expect tweets later in the series from people pointing out that someone got spewed over and “they didn’t end up going home” blah blah!
Let’s agree on this though. A health warning.
Colour Vomit is a very very dangerous illness to catch. It can prove fatal after just a couple of outbreaks. If you see colour vomit on the screen, seek urgent attention to your betting slip.
But, be cautious, don’t misdiagnose it – Just because it’s bright, doesn’t mean it’s colour vomit.
I’ll leave you with this thought.
Disco Week is coming… perfect conditions for another outbreak.
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Details on the Podcast here.